Dear Mothers #9

For Mom Who Just Wants Her Heart to Be in the Right Place

Dear Mothers,

I have a confession to make … I am a homeschool mom who doesn’t like being a homeschool mom.

I love my home. I love school. I love being a mom. Just not all three of those things mashed together.

But this is what must be done in this season of life. We’re either moving around the United States or up in a small mountain village in Haiti. The options we have for educating our four kiddos is literally one.

I know I need deeper communion with the Holy Spirit. I know I need an attitude adjustment. I know I need to keep searching for joy in the everyday, mundane homeschool life. I know this. But some days … ok most days … it’s just hard.

And then enters guilt.

I have several friends who absolutely love being a homeschool mom and are totally committed to searching out curriculums and coming up with better ways to teach their kids—while I’m over here just trying to get through the lesson without losing my mind with the attitudes directed my way.

And then there are other friends who would love to be able to stay home with their kids and take up the mantle of teaching math and reading and science and history, and, and, and—but they can’t because finances or career won’t allow it.

I know I shouldn’t compare. I know I should look at the reality we’re in and accept the challenge. I know I should be able to find joy in the sacrifice. And I know I shouldn’t feel guilty for it feeling like a sacrifice.

I know these things … but how in the world do I walk them out?  

-A Mom Who Just Wants Her Heart to Be in the Right Place

Dear Homeschooling Mama, 

The choices available to us as mothers today are both a blessing and a burden, don’t you think? One of Ashlee’s earliest essays for Coffee + Crumbs—the pregnant mother in the diaper aisle—captures the moment perfectly. Oh, the overwhelm! My oldest daughter is only seven, so perhaps I shouldn’t consider myself to be a veteran mom, but boy do I feel like I’ve been around the block since my first baby registry. Three kids later, I’m way past reading reviews for what diaper ointment does the trick, but the amount of choices available to me has only grown as my kids get older. To your specific point, as parents we have to decide how our children will be educated. For many of us, there are so many options. And even once you choose, who is to say it’s forever? Perhaps your child is struggling in a certain school environment or other dynamics come into play. This year, it’s a charter school, next year the neighborhood school, and maybe parochial school when they get older. Feeling this amount of agency over our kids’ education is a good thing, but also a hard thing.

Our family learns at home, like yours. I taught for five years before my daughter was born, and choosing between continuing on in the career I was passionate about and being the primary caregiver for a much-awaited child was challenging. Even before she was born, my husband and I had begun imagining a future for our family that included homeschooling. Exploring California, our eyes always lingered on families out exploring the parks and beaches with their children. It seemed like the essence of childhood: curiosity, learning, and adventure. As a teacher, I always thought that age five was about the time kids started to be super fun to spend time with! From the beginning, we were dreaming of this future of learning at home together. For me, homeschooling has been a calling, and just like when I was in the classroom, I have needed the assurance of that calling to push through exhausting or discouraging times.

As we enter our fourth year of homeschooling, I have to admit that it is not what I expected.