Marriage for Dummies

By Ashlee Gadd

“Every marriage is a partnership of two broken assholes with good intentions and varying degrees of ability to deliver.” - Harrison Scott Key, How To Stay Married

It was one of those arguments that came out of nowhere, like when a deer bolts out in front of your car in the dark. I could practically hear the screech of the brakes. See the wide eyes staring back at me. Feel my own heart pounding, adrenaline coursing through my veins.

The fight began as many fights do, with a playful jab of sorts. On a different day, a different week, perhaps a different month, we could have laughed it off. But context is important here. This was three days before Christmas and 48 hours before I was due to start my period, all at the end of a month involving an ER visit and emergency surgery (for our son), ongoing grief (for my husband), a mountain of unexpected work stress (for me), and a very, very expensive roof replacement. Stewing underneath those big stressors were a plethora of regular, holiday stressors: the class parties, the gifts, the wrapping, the baking, the decorating, the advent devotions, the crowds and traffic and getting cards in the mail and nonstop pressure to Make Magical Memories!™️ with the kids.

If I were to say the fight came out of nowhere, it would be equally true to say there were bright yellow “Watch Out For Deer” signs at every turn. Tensions were high. Sleep was scarce. Did I mention I was about to start my period?

The playful jab turned into an argument and the argument turned into a fight. The fight turned into a slew of “you always” and “you never” (fighting 101, sigh, we know better!), and before I could even register what was happening, he raised his voice and I raised mine. Then I got up to walk away, and he left the room.

I’m not sure what’s more embarrassing to admit: that he slept on the couch for the next seven nights, or that we hardly spoke on Christmas Day.