On Cows, Chaos, and Learning to Take a Break
by Sarah Hauser | September 2022
I read recently about how thousands of cattle in Kansas died due to heat stress. They didn’t die from one day of hot temperatures, necessarily. But the persistent extreme heat and humidity that hit many parts of the country––particularly this one region in Kansas––wreaked havoc on herds.
Cattle can usually adapt to the summer heat. Studies show they’re resilient animals, but as one article told me, when there are multiple stressors involved, the animal struggles to cope. Not only that, but cattle need the lower nighttime temperatures to bring their internal temperature down. When nighttime temps are too high, they don’t release enough of their internal heat, and it continues to build and build and build, causing major problems when that cycle persists. Eventually, they can’t carry the cumulative heat load built up in their bodies. “Right now, if we don’t have night-time cooling hours, the animal won’t be starting each day at thermo-neutral, so they’re more at risk on the second or third day,” one veterinarian said.
Okay, let’s acknowledge the elephant (cow?) in the room. Yes, I’m about to compare us as moms to cattle. My metaphor obviously breaks down pretty quickly, but bear with me…
Every day, we’re faced with one stressor after another—one kid can’t find his shoes and then three seconds later, the baby starts screaming. Your nerves feel frayed and you can barely take a breath before the two sitting in the back seat start fighting and calling each other whatever new word they just learned. Another child complains about how you wouldn’t let them attend that event they’re dying to go to, or how their curfew is earlier than a friend’s, or the fact that everyone else has a phone already! Why can’t I get one?
The heat of every moment builds up in our bodies. If it was just one thing, we could handle it, but the stress hits us from all directions. We need a break. But so often, that break feels hard to come by. Like our late bovine friends who were unable to let go of their internal heat in the cool of night, we’re unable to find rest even while we lay in bed in the dark. We’re up with a baby who won’t sleep or anxiously awaiting a teenager still out late or plagued by a mind that’s endlessly racing.
Some of us are moving into the school year, and we’ve barely recovered from the summer chaos. We’re oh so ready to send our kids back, but before we can take a breath, we find ourselves running around with a new kind of stress this season can bring. (After school activities! Homework! Oh my goodness why does Target have Thanksgiving decor out already?)
In many ways, that’s where I’ve been lately. I’ve been the proverbial cow grazing in a heat wave. I barely have time to recover from one stress before the next begins. And while I certainly hope I won't share the same fate as those cattle, the results on my mind and body can still be dire.
For me, that build up of stress can seep out in the form of anger and impatience. It comes out in the fact that I quickly scold my kids for being kids or get frustrated at my husband for not knowing about the thing that I never actually told him but somehow expect him to predict intuitively. It comes out in sleeplessness or anxiety.
The “heat” we hold inside has to be addressed.
What does addressing the stressors in your life look like for you in this season? What do you need to do to find respite?
If your kids are all finally in school, go take yourself out to lunch before tackling those house projects you’ve put off for the last five years. If you’re moving into a season of homeschooling and life is just as loud and chaotic as it’s always been, schedule an evening where you can get away to take care of yourself for a couple hours. If you just dropped off a kid at college, do some version of what my parents did when they dropped me off. After 35 years of having kids living at home, they immediately drove to a lakeside resort for a vacation.
Whatever season of life you’re in, fight to make space to cool down. It’s not easy to do. It’s not easy to step away to recover and heal when there’s so much coming at us from every angle. But if that heat doesn’t get worked out, if we don’t pause and care for ourselves and address the stressors we face, we’ll begin to see the consequences in our bodies, in our souls, in our work, and in our relationships. Holding it all in is unsustainable.
So make that counseling appointment, find that babysitter, take that walk, plan that long weekend, ask that friend for help, start to observe the Sabbath (in some ways, it’s almost like Sabbath is God’s version for us of what the cool of nighttime is for a cow).
We too often expect ourselves to absorb every stress in life and carry on as if nothing happened. But the stress you face, whether micro or macro, acute or chronic, is real. It really affects you. And it really deserves your attention and your care. Because you deserve attention and care.
Take care of yourself, Mama. And know that above all, you are loved.
Much Love,
(P.S. My cow expertise is limited to a couple Google searches, so take my words with a grain of salt. Cara is the resident cattle expert on the C+C team.)