What Is It That You Need?

By Sonya Spillmann | February 2024 Newsletter

The first thing you should know about me is that I love a deal. No more than the next person, I guess, but I’m one of those people who, even when I understand something’s value, will often say no, just because. I think we call this frugal? This is important to know because when a friend tells me the yoga studio close to our house is having a ten days for $10 deal, I can’t grab my calendar fast enough. I flip it open to find the next stretch of ten mostly free days (no travel, no kid’s soccer tournaments) so I can sign up and go to at least once a day—you know, to get my money’s worth. 

I’d wanted to join a yoga studio for ages, just to try it, but it’s always been too expensive. I’ve never been a regular at yoga (a yogi?), but like most people, I know a downward dog from a mountain pose, a warrior from a goddess. So there I am, signing up online for the ten day deal, remarkably giddy with excitement. 

In the coming week and a half, I go to 6 a.m. classes—where I unsuccessfully try new poses (flying lizard!)—an 8 p.m. class where all we do is stretch in shockingly painful positions, and the Express Class at noon with heart pumping music in a room set to 95 degrees. I love, and I mean love, all of it. The heat. The dim lighting. The calm voices. The music. The smell. The laying there at the end and just being in my body. 

I love the sweat. I love the challenge. I love how there are women half my age and others that are almost double. I love how my children see me going out to do something just for me. I love how safe I feel there, and how every movement is an invitation. I love how my mind, and heart, and soul feel afterwards. 

But when my ten days are up, I stop. 

“Are you going to join?” my friend asks. The studio had emailed us promo codes, of course. “No, it’s a lot of money,” I said. But then one week passed, and then two, and something inside of me feels this pull, a longing. A deep desire. A few more weeks go by and then another email comes with an even deeper discount, and I decide to go for it. 

I will join, but just for the minimum number of months necessary to get that price.  

The next time I arrive, as a member, I am greeted at the desk by a woman named Jade (naturally) and walked into the barely lit studio. A small candle flickers at the front of the room and calm music fills my ears. Mat under my arm, the floor warm, and the room smelling like sage, tears fill my eyes. Tears.  

That sounds a bit much, doesn’t it? To have an emotional response to walking into a yoga studio? 

But here’s where I must explain the next thing you should know about me, and about a lot of other women I believe: not all of us are all that practiced at listening to ourselves. Or knowing what we want. Or naming what we need and finding value in it, even if it costs money. (Or even if it’s not what we would have ever thought could be “okay” to do—I’m looking at those of us who grew up in conservative faith spaces.) We haven’t always trusted it was right and good—dare I say holy?—for us as women to pay attention to certain desires, and to move towards them.  

Going to those classes was a gift—to be so gentle with myself, with my body, emotionally and physically, during a time when I was also doing some very hard and deeply personal emotional work in so many other areas of my life. 

I ended up staying months beyond my minimum commitment, and learned way more than just how hard it is to support my body weight with my hands. Even as it was happening, I understood that joining that studio was exactly what I needed. And then, one day, when my schedule could no longer make the classes work, when life felt full and I felt different, I also knew it was time for me to quit. To transition towards something else, something new. 

It’s still the beginning of a new year, and I’m wondering where you are—more emotionally than physically (though we know those two things are intimately connected). Deep down in your heart, do you need to offer more gentleness to yourself this year? This month? Do you want a place for your heart to feel comforted and your soul to feel calm? Or are you craving a challenge, maybe in a way that you hadn’t ever thought possible, or haven’t felt capable of in a long, long time? 

Whatever it is, and however this looks for you, my prayer for all of us is that we will pay attention to our hearts, and listen to our souls. And to trust that for everything, there is a season.  

With love,
Sonya

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For a girls’ night or date night in, try Sarah’s Roasted Pears with Buttery Chocolate Sauce + Smoked Sea Salt.

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C+C Faves

“When I start my day alone, with silence and a blank page, I remember that expressing my creativity is a need, too. ” // A Car Seat for Tiger by

Laura Bass

Books on our (collective) nightstands: Once There Were Wolves, Bright Young Women, First Lie Wins, The Matter of Little Losses, The Supper of the Lamb, The Unseen Realm, Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays, Little Women, Big Shoes to Fill, Crowned with Glory, and our Exhale book club pick, How to Stay Married.

Also on our reading list for Black History Month: the 2024 Reading Everybody Black challenge.

“Tears begin to sting my eyes in an overflow of conviction and thankfulness. This is reconciliation. This is God rewriting my story by moving in the heart of my child. This is Him springing forth a new thing and making a river in the desert.” // Worth Saving by

Sara Koert

Like butterflies for your earbuds: the Love Jams playlist.

This retelling of The Mitten incorporates sensory activities—great for teachers or homeschooling.

Calling all photographers! Submit your favorite original photographs sparked by the theme adventure to Verily’s competition. (Ashlee is the guest judge!)

We heart these adorable visual recipes, and *no bake* Valentine’s Day pie would make a sweet (see what we did there? 😉 ) kiddo activity.

A go-to birthday present pairing for the preschool girl crowd: Paint By Sticker Kids (rainbow edition!) + matching bath bombs.

Current beauty favorites: Virtue Labs Flourish shampoo, Moroccanoil Dry Texture Spray, Sunday Riley C.E.O. Glow, La Roche-Posay triple-repair moisturizing cream, and this cuticle revitalizing oil.

“But how can I possibly warn you of what motherhood entails? How can I possibly articulate how dangerous this is, to crack your heart open this much? To love this deeply? How can I qualify the risks? The joys? The deliriousness and heartache of it all?” // Stay Curious by

Ashlee Gadd

Baby Notebook app co-founder (and Exhale member!) just launched The Family Yearbook to simplify your memory-keeping process, and now the 2024 goal to make a family photo book feels within reach.

We give this post—Mastectomy: The Amazon Reviews by

Laura Kelly Fanucci

—five stars.

“It is these comments that undo me—all of us mothers, unmoored by the oceans of liminal space we travel with our children. All of us mothers, holding tenderly the socks or the frozen milk or the lock of hair. All of us mothers asking, Weren’t we just right there?²” // So, What Are We Supposed To Do With All These Teeth? by

Krista Drechsel

Add this card game to your game night rotation—perfect for late-elementary and middle schoolers.

Super Bowl cocktails & mocktails (Taylor’s Version). Let the game begin!

Have kids who eat everything in sight? We’re meal prepping our way to energetic mornings with the breakfast recipes from this cookbook (and sipping on all the LMNT while we do it).

“I think we can beat ourselves up for choices we made in the past. Ways we feel we’ve fallen short. Mistakes we made. Many times, though, I think there’s another way of seeing things. This is what mercy looks like.” // On Failing As a Parent by

Shawn Smucker

Please tell us we’re not the only ones living in sweats. We’re partial to this crew neck crop set, this jumpsuit, and this oversized, half-zip set.

A simple pleasure: fluffy, straight-out-of-the-dryer white towels.

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Podcast Recs

Special guest Wendy Trigsted joins Ashlee for a conversation about the five attachment syndromes. From gifts we’ve received (and don’t love) to items we’re holding onto on behalf of “someday”—we dig into some of the most consistent reasons people keep things they don’t need to keep in the latest C+C bonus podcast episode: Our Relationship with Stuff.

This episode of the 10 Things to Tell You was a fascinating behind-the-scenes on all things podcast-related.

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Upcoming Workshops

• Tell Your Story: Basic Storytelling Elements of Narrative Essay with Molly Flinkman // starts March 4

• Destination Known: Exploring Setting in Narrative Essay with Adrienne Garrison // March 17

• Writing with Purpose Workshop with Sonya Spillmann // starts March 18

• Brave Space: Writing About Real People with Adrienne Garrison // April 21

• Inspiration to Habit: Self-Guided Series with Callie Feyen // download

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