Worth the Fight

By Katie Blackburn | May 2024 Newsletter

The other night my daughter, who is exceptionally gifted at talking with very few stops for breath, wanted to talk about friendship. She is in fifth grade, no stranger to the ways girls can hurt one another at this point, and also on the cusp of the years when being a girl gets a bit more complicated. She shared story after angsty story, things that were equal parts the fault of all parties involved, and I mostly listened because I’ve heard them before—I lived many of them a few decades ago—and I know I don’t really have much better advice to offer her than you can only control yourself, you must be kind to everyone, and let’s pray that the Holy Spirit gives you wisdom. 

I know Mom, I know, she responds. But what do I actually do? 

She wants action. She wants a plan to make things easier. She wants a formula for making and keeping friendships that will last and don’t we all?

My friends have always been such a vital part of my life, but I’m no stranger to the ups and downs and dramas of female friendships. In high school, a girl who had been a good friend of mine got a ride (the nerve!) to the powder puff game with the boy I liked, and we had an all out battle over AOL Instant Messenger later that night. And while the young years of friendship foibles can be small potatoes compared to the pain of an adult friendship break up, they do matter, because we bring all of our experiences to the rest of our lives. How many times have you heard someone say, “I’m just not good at making friends”? They didn’t learn that at thirty. But if they still believe that at thirty, it’s likely that something—or many things—didn’t go well in the early years of friendship. 

I guess what I’m feeling as I write this is a deep desire to model how good and sacred friendships can be. As a newly single woman, “my girls” have never been more important to me. They are the ones still here, still holding me up in the aftermath of loss, still reminding me of all that’s good in this broken world. And while I can’t convey the depth of that to my daughter right now, I want to grab her hands and look at her through her tears and just say “don’t give up, honey, don’t give up. Control what you can control, be kind to everyone, and pray that the Holy Spirit gives you wisdom.” Because I don’t know what life will throw at her or any of my kids, but I do know we need our people. She will need her people. And I won’t always be in that category, and a spouse won’t always be in that category, and her own children won’t always be in that category. But her friends will play a role no one else can. A role that is safe and trusted. A role that is tangible grace. 

I don’t know where you’re at with your friendships today. You might be living a few angsty stories like my daughter—really, like all of us have at some point. Or you might be in the sweetest friendship season you’ve ever known. And while I don’t have a friendship formula or listicle to offer you today, I do know that being a friend is one of the most important roles you will play in your life. And I know I don’t ever want to lose sight of that role in the craziness of the rest of my life. So I will say the same thing I tell my daughter: you can only control yourself, you must be kind to everyone, and let’s pray that the Holy Spirit gives you wisdom. So much of our resilience is wrapped up in who we have around us. So much of someone else’s resilience is because you are around them. 

To friendships. And to fighting for them. Because when they are good, they are really, really good.

Love,
Katie

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C+C Podcast

In The Parenting Hope We All Need Right Now, Ashlee and Katie are joined by licensed professional counselor, renowned author, and co-host of the Raising Boys and Girls podcast, Sissy Goff (!). Sissy’s encouragement is equal parts practical and profound, and she saves her best piece of advice for last. If you enjoyed this episode, would you consider sharing it with a friend? We’d love to get Sissy’s wisdom into as many ears and hearts as we can!

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Upcoming Workshops

• Friendly Feedback: Critique to Keep Going (free!) with Adrienne Garrison // May 7

• Let the Writing Sing: A Lyrical Essay Workshop with Sonya Spillmann // May 11 and May 15

• Curiosity as Creative Practice with Ashlee Gadd & Jennifer Floyd // starts May 25

• Tell Your Story: Basic Storytelling Elements of Narrative Essay Writing with Molly Flinkman // starts May 27

• Figurative Language Bootcamp with Ashlee Gadd & Katie Blackburn // June 8

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