Carving out Time for Mug Cake and Mom Friends

By Melanie Dale | October 2023 Newsletter

I moved to Peachtree City, Georgia, as soon as I’d recovered from preeclampsia and a C-section and my preemie was out of the NICU and well enough to manage his first road trip. A few weeks later, I made my first friend in the area, a mom my age who taught me how to leave the house with an infant. 

I wrote about our friendship in my first book, Women Are Scary, where I called her Rose instead of her real name, Julie, and I’m happy to report that we are still friends today. In fact, a few years ago, when she was up to five kids and I had three living at home, she moved next door to me. Now, we have four and two, respectively, and have both launched one into the stratosphere. We became friends in the early years of parenting, became neighbors in the peak season, when carpools and sports practices kept us apart and we were more likely to run into each other at the grocery store than in our own front yards, and now we’re beginning the long, slow ride into the sunset, as our kids are growing up and out and everyone knows how to make their own sandwich, and half of them can drive themselves to their various fields and pools.

The other day, we attempted a mom date. You’d think that by now we’d be experts. You’d think that after all these years I’d be ready to launch Women Are Scary 2: Older, Stronger, Better, Longer (which sounds more like a pill advertised during football games and less like a book on seasoned mom dating), but that is not the case. In fact, during our recent attempt, I felt more like a mom dating noob, as the gamers say. 

I invited her over to drink coffee and make chocolate protein mug cakes in the microwave. She brought her own coffee because she’s had to switch to decaf in the afternoons. When she came in the house, I apologized for the heat, because our air conditioning had just died, it was in the mid-nineties outside, and I was in a flop sweat from a hot flash. Welcome to our mid-forties.

We soldiered on, sipping our coffee as we started to follow the directions and add our ingredients into our mugs. Stepping up to the same spot at my counter where I always stand, I realized the floors were buckled and there’d been a gigundous amount of water damage in the brief amount of time since I’d stood in that spot earlier in the day. My husband came into the kitchen to say hello as he prepped his colonoscopy drink and we debated the pros and cons of different colonoscopy prep flavors. I informed him of the buckling wood floor at my feet, and he hustled down to the basement, where we discovered that the ceiling was also wet.

“Just keep stirring the mug cake,” I said to Julie, as my husband called the plumber, the national guard, and probably a priest to exorcise whatever was wreaking havoc in our home. I beat the egg in my mug with a fork harder than was necessary.

Just then, my friend’s phone rang, and it was the one number you never want to see on caller ID: the school nurse. While she was on the phone, I measured and stirred and finished making her mug cake. I could tell this wasn’t going to end well. When she got off the phone, we popped her mug in the microwave, and she broke the news that her youngest was sick and she had to go pick her up. I sent her off with her mug cake. 

“Eat it in the car! Good luck with the kid!” I called after her.

“Good luck with the water!” she called back.

A half hour later when I was still scraping the remains of the gooey chocolate off the bottom of my mug, I opened the door to find Julie holding her mug. 

“Kid’s watching a show. I have 20 minutes.”

We sat down at the kitchen table to finish our cakes and try to catch up, when my phone rang. It was my cancer surgeon needing to reschedule an appointment. I hung up, then Julie got a call from her husband, who was at a surgeon’s office with one of their other kids needing to schedule a procedure. 

We hung up and looked at each other and laughed.  This mom date was going great. We kept eating our cakes.

I’m so thankful for friendships I’ve cultivated over the years, the ones as old as our kids. The reason we’ve made it this long is no matter what life’s thrown at us, and it’s thrown a lot, we keep carving out time for connection.

This month, as you’re carving pumpkins, carve out time, too. Grab a matinee while the kids are at school or drink coffee while the littles jump in piles of leaves. Wherever you are and whoever you’re with, just keep eating the cake. Together. 

Love,

Melanie

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Aspiring farmer-florists, be inspired. Related reading: The Garden of Low Expectations by

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ICYMI

Our fall collection is live! Head over to our website now to savor eighteen new works of art. If these stories encourage you, we’d be so grateful if you would consider sharing them with a friend. ❤️

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Podcast Recs

Dadville hosts with guest Sissy Goff add humor to this conversation on raising daughters, body image, and the ever-beloved topic of middle school.

Risen Motherhood’s Emily Jensen offers encouragement to moms who feel weak in this episode of the Going There podcast.

This episode of Pardon the Mess with Krista Gilbert is packed with wisdom, life coaching, and even practical ideas for traditions and celebrations.

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Upcoming Workshops

• Brave Space: Writing About Real People with Adrienne Garrison // October 8

• Writing with Purpose Workshop with Sonya Spillmann // starts October 10

• Playing with Form: Writing Your Stories in New Ways with Molly Flinkman // October 29

• Micro-Essay Workshop with Sonya Spillmann // starts November 6

• Rooted: A Photography Workshop with Jennifer Floyd // starts November 8

• Take-off and Landing: Beginnings and Endings in Narrative Essay with Adrienne Garrison // November 12

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