My husband often makes comments that he knows I would love to have my own bed, and he's not entirely wrong. 🤣 I love spreading out like a starfish when I have the bed to myself. Thanks for being brave and sharing this story, Bethany! 💛 (But what I really want to know is, how did you spend a month on an island child free?!)
So beautifully written! My partner and I are the midst of a similarly unconventional transition... he is going to spend three nights a week at studio apartment close to his work. It's easy to "justify" this arrangement, to pass it off as a practical way to ease his long commute, but if we're being honest with ourselves, there's more to it, too. We're in a season of parenting where we simply all need some more headspace. It's important to remember that "conventional" marital arrangements don't work for everyone; in fact, I'd venture to claim that they don't work for most of us. We simply expect and demand too much from our partners. A little space, in whatever form that takes, is probably a good thing. And sleep is a good thing, too! Thank you for sharing your story.
Right there with you! We started sleeping in separate beds when my pregnant body needed the space, and then when our babies were very frequent wakers she we decided ONE of us should be getting a decent stretch of sleep (I still recommend this strategy frequently to first time mom's) and then our toddlers were bed sharing and there wasn't room. And now, 7.5 years later, we FINALLY don't have kids waking us up or sleeping with us every night. But... We still mostly don't sleep together, because we just sleep better in separate beds. And ultimately being rested does more good for our marriage than being next to each other while unconscious. Occasionally when my insomnia is not acting up and he doesn't need to be up at 4:30 for work the next day, we still give bed sharing a whirl. But it's just a special occasion thing. And yes, this has had zero impact on our sex life, other than decreasing the chances that I'll be too tired to be interested. 😉
We have been down this path since our youngest (who just turned 6 last week) was born.
She would only sleep in the mama roo (gasp I know, but with a second child your in survival mode) which I faithfully had next to our bed.
He started sleeping downstairs in our guest room to manage our two year old while I managed the newborn upstairs and then somehow it’s just became part of our norm and six years later that’s just our life.
He also works late (till 8 or 9 most nights) and needs to unwind by watching TV.
Where I’m out by 8pm most nights so it just works for us. I have worried how that will affect our children’s future relationships as well if it comes up at school with their friends etc.
I read an article (I think from the NYT) about this very thing and was intrigued but also puzzled. Reading your perspective was helpful. I so appreciate the openness and vulnerability here!
My husband often makes comments that he knows I would love to have my own bed, and he's not entirely wrong. 🤣 I love spreading out like a starfish when I have the bed to myself. Thanks for being brave and sharing this story, Bethany! 💛 (But what I really want to know is, how did you spend a month on an island child free?!)
It takes a lot of courage to write (and publish!) a piece like this. Grateful for your vulnerability, Bethany.
So beautifully written! My partner and I are the midst of a similarly unconventional transition... he is going to spend three nights a week at studio apartment close to his work. It's easy to "justify" this arrangement, to pass it off as a practical way to ease his long commute, but if we're being honest with ourselves, there's more to it, too. We're in a season of parenting where we simply all need some more headspace. It's important to remember that "conventional" marital arrangements don't work for everyone; in fact, I'd venture to claim that they don't work for most of us. We simply expect and demand too much from our partners. A little space, in whatever form that takes, is probably a good thing. And sleep is a good thing, too! Thank you for sharing your story.
Right there with you! We started sleeping in separate beds when my pregnant body needed the space, and then when our babies were very frequent wakers she we decided ONE of us should be getting a decent stretch of sleep (I still recommend this strategy frequently to first time mom's) and then our toddlers were bed sharing and there wasn't room. And now, 7.5 years later, we FINALLY don't have kids waking us up or sleeping with us every night. But... We still mostly don't sleep together, because we just sleep better in separate beds. And ultimately being rested does more good for our marriage than being next to each other while unconscious. Occasionally when my insomnia is not acting up and he doesn't need to be up at 4:30 for work the next day, we still give bed sharing a whirl. But it's just a special occasion thing. And yes, this has had zero impact on our sex life, other than decreasing the chances that I'll be too tired to be interested. 😉
Bethany, this is just a delight.
We have been down this path since our youngest (who just turned 6 last week) was born.
She would only sleep in the mama roo (gasp I know, but with a second child your in survival mode) which I faithfully had next to our bed.
He started sleeping downstairs in our guest room to manage our two year old while I managed the newborn upstairs and then somehow it’s just became part of our norm and six years later that’s just our life.
He also works late (till 8 or 9 most nights) and needs to unwind by watching TV.
Where I’m out by 8pm most nights so it just works for us. I have worried how that will affect our children’s future relationships as well if it comes up at school with their friends etc.
I read an article (I think from the NYT) about this very thing and was intrigued but also puzzled. Reading your perspective was helpful. I so appreciate the openness and vulnerability here!
Beautifully written, sleep is so sacred
Loved this one!