Mothers We Admire: An Interview with Laura Wifler

by Katie Blackburn

The internet, while rife with detriments, has its upsides, too. My friendship with Laura Wifler is one of them. Laura and I “met” via our writing lives online, but became friends and mothers walking alongside each other shortly after her third child was born in 2017. In the months to follow, Laura would walk through a series of impossibly hard doctor appointments and assessments before determining that her daughter had a rare chromosome disorder. As the mom of a child with a disability myself, we would often find ourselves crying on Voxer over the stories unfolding for our children, but graciously thanking God for friends that remind you we don’t have to go at it alone. 

Laura is a mom to three precious kiddos, and lives surrounded by trees and cornfields in Ames, Iowa. You probably know her best as the co-founder of Risen Motherhood, a podcast and ministry devoted to helping mothers connect their faith to their mothering. She’s also constantly adding to the list of books under her authorship, which include, for now, Risen Motherhood: Gospel Hope for Moms, which she co-wrote with her sister in law, Emily; and two children’s books, Any Time, Any Place, Any Prayer: A True Story About How You Can Talk With God; and her newest, Like Me: A Story About Disability and Seeing the Image of God in Every Person.

Laura is that kind of rare combination of wit and wisdom, talent and grit, kindness and courage. I’m so thrilled we get to learn a bit more about her, and a bit more from her, here.

-Katie

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What does a typical day look like in the Wifler house?

Like most families, there’s no true typical day in our home, but during the school year, our schedules are more predictable. I’m a rooster, so I wake up with or before the sun around 4:45 a.m. each day. I love mornings the way many people love chocolate. I look forward to them the night before and I devour them when they arrive. In the morning, I spend time in scripture first, then I dive into writing for about 1.5 hours. Some days I’m highly productive, others, not so much, but the butt is in the chair, er, couch and I’m exercising the muscle. I get the kids up at 7 a.m. and my husband leaves for work around 7:15 a.m. (He recently got a new job and we’re loving the later start time!) At 7:45 a.m. I load the kids up for school drop off, then I’m home again. From there, anything can happen.

I work part-time at Risen Motherhood, and the other half of my time I spend as a writer/author, which means my days are filled with meetings, emails, Voxer, editing, designing, and more writing. Many days I’m at home the whole time, but some days I’m in the RM office to record the podcast or work with the team, or I’m volunteering at my kids’ school, or at therapy with my youngest who has disabilities. I’m so thankful for the flexible schedule I’m able to maintain, but being the flexible one is why I wake up so early! I value the (generally) guaranteed, uninterrupted time it provides. 

At 3:30 p.m. the kids are off the bus, I put work away, and I’m 100 percent into motherhood. In the winters we build fires, read, and ice skate in the backyard. While we live in an incredibly safe neighborhood and my kids are pretty free range, my youngest still needs a lot of monitoring and help, so I’m with her closely. Somewhere in there we have dinner once my husband is home, and then—this is the incredible part—my husband does bedtime 100 percent. Front to back, top to bottom, he takes care of the kids while I pop in my headphones and clean up the house. I love cleaning the kitchen to good music or a great podcast, so this is a gift to me. After the kids’ bedtime, I generally read fiction and my husband either reads or watches the TV with headphones on. Yes, you read that right, bluetooth headphones. That way we can be on the same couch, but I don’t have to hear the show. What a wonder to live in 2023 and get to enjoy things like this! We head to bed between 9-10 p.m. Part of this is because we rise so early, but the other part is because we are still up with my youngest daughter one to one million times each night. She struggles to sleep, so we need to go to her often. For all the mothers who are still shocked that I get up at 4:45 a.m., all I can say is eventually you truly do learn to function on little sleep and God’s grace is specific and kind, meeting you exactly where you need it. 

What does it mean for you to “balance” everything you have on your plate: marriage, motherhood—including the sweetest child with a disability—your roles at Risen Motherhood, and your personal work? Is balance even the right word for how you keep it all going?

I once heard a wiser mom than me share about balance in motherhood. She stood on one foot, then the other, wavering a bit as she did. She pointed out how she was constantly trying to find balance. Even when she stood strong for a few seconds, she eventually faltered, and had to readjust. “Watch,” she said, “Just when we think we’ve found balance, something makes us wobble and we have to find it again.” It’s an illustration I’ll never forget. 

Knowing balance is so hard to find, I stopped looking for it. Instead, I seek stewardship. Every mother knows, no matter how well we plan and structure our days, life throws us curve balls—both good and bad. So as mothers, we must be nimble, willing to adjust and change our rhythms and desires according to our current circumstances. If there is such a thing as balance, it's an active endeavor, one that requires us to constantly re-evaluate and make both micro and macro changes to make the best decisions with what we have and know at the time. Which to me, is stewardship. In some seasons we engage in our income-producing work more and see the children less, in other seasons we’re home full-time with bright eyes and dirty dishes up to our teeth. Some seasons are filled with playdates and long afternoons at the soccer fields, and other seasons we’re walking the halls of hospitals and adjusting our child’s gown as they try to get comfortable after surgery. Some seasons require paper plates every night, and others have the luxury of real dishes—and maybe even candlelight.

In the midst of it all, we can choose to fight and buck against our days taking turns we never predicted, or choose to have peace and joy, knowing we’re not ultimately in control of our lives, but we are in control of our response. Rejecting the realities of what it means to live on a broken earth will lead to nothing but bitterness. Instead, I want to be a mother who—whatever life brings—humbly says, “I receive this.” In this way, I can “keep it all going,” because I don’t have to seek the elusive “balance.” I can ride the waves of life with contentment and peace, seeking to steward well what I’ve been given.

If you have any non-negotiable habits in your life, what are there? (The habits/daily things you refuse to compromise on/cancel/reschedule/etc. for your health and the health of your family)

The only true non-negotiables our family has is consistent time with God and spending time together as a family. There are many other things I believe are important for our family (Sabbath, church, exercise, balanced eating, time with friends and family, therapy for my youngest), but there are very few things that I don’t see space and room to compromise on during certain seasons. For example, taking a Sabbath is a high priority for our family (taking a day to rest, watch movies, play games, and eat popcorn for dinner). But in certain seasons, like the Holidays, we’re okay with being flexible, knowing that we’ll get back to our regular rhythms as soon as we can. 

Going back to my prior answer about stewardship over balance, I hold everything in our lives with an open hand, knowing it’s the Lord who gives and takes away. I can trust him to be working for my good, no matter what life brings. That means that while I try to practice habits that I believe are healthy for our family, I don’t hold them as ultimate. A habit has no true power over my life or attitude. If a practice doesn't work out that day, so be it. Because I have Christ, I can still have joy.

What do you hope your kids say about your home, where they grew up, when they are grown?

Ah, if I let myself, this list could get very long. But at the heart of it, I hope they remember that their mom and dad loved Jesus, and tried to follow his commands and honor his name every day of their lives. I hope they remember their home as peaceful and safe, a haven in the midst of a turbulent world. And, at the very least, I hope they remember me as a decent cook. (Even if I did serve a different meal every night!)

Tell us a little more about your new book, Like Me, and your heart behind it.

Thanks for asking! Like Me is a fiction picture book for children that helps them understand what it looks like to be in a family that has a child with disabilities, and how to interact with someone who might move, act, or speak differently than able-bodied people do. My youngest daughter has Rare Chromo, a blanket term for people who have a genetic disease that is entirely unique. This disease gave her global developmental delays and sent us on a path discovering how it would affect her (as the doctors didn’t know). Over the years, I’ve seen how many questions able-bodied children have about disabilities, and I wanted to write a picture book that would take away the mystery. In Like Me, I show children that they don’t have to be afraid of or just tolerate those with disabilities, but that it’s possible to form true friendships. My hope and prayer for Like Me, is that children will discover what a privilege it is to know another person—no matter what they look like or how they act—discovering the deep, transcendent connection they share because we were all made in the image of God. I hope it will foster conversations in families, both for those who have a personal connection with disabilities, and those who simply want to teach their children about this important topic. 

You can connect with Laura via her website, or over on Instagram!

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