Swimsuit Season

By Katie Blackburn | June 2023 Newsletter

It’s summer, friends. My most-favorite, better-than-all-the-rest season of the year. To commemorate and welcome this very best season, I’d like to tell you a little story about what it’s like to be a 38-year-old mom of six on the hunt for a bathing suit that doesn’t make her look and feel like a 38-year-old mom of six.

You see, my swimsuit shopping begins like all of my clothing shopping begins—that is, with zero style or awareness of the latest trends at baseline, coupled with little to no thought or preparation for what I’m looking for, other than whatever is under $25. 

I mean, how hard could this be?

My bathing suit complications began at the same age it gets complicated for almost every girl: fourteen. It was through those early adolescent eyes that I started to see my body mostly in one way. And by that I mean, how it looked compared to someone else’s. The verdict was always the same: my body was wrong. My stomach was always rounder, my thighs were always bigger, and the back acne that plagued me from 1999-2002 only wreaked more havoc on my pursuit of body security. 

Still, at this point in my life, having been given the blessing of multiple pregnancies and births and feeding babies, I’ve come to appreciate all my body has done for me. I know better than to take for granted the miracle of simply being able to move. And truly, gratitude helps to crowd out insecurity. Plus, in the last year and a half, I have rekindled my love for exercise and found it to be a strong foundation for both my mental health and stress management. As such, I rarely miss a day on the Peloton because the Peloton is where I work out angst, close my eyes to pray hundreds of one-sentence prayers, and challenge myself in new ways. I’ve added strength training and bootcamps to my routine. I did Emma Lovewell’s Crush Your Core Challenge three times. 

What I’m saying is this: I’m so grateful for my body. And I have shown up to exercise with new fervor because my heart and mind needed it.

What I’m also saying is that I was kinda hoping my abs would notice it by lake season. 

They didn’t. Today, even though I have tripled the effort to get back to the pre-pregnancy baby weight zone, I am still around ten pounds heavier than I was right before getting pregnant with Braylen in May of 2021.

So, there’s the backstory. I’m working up a good sweat every day, but I can’t stop eating sourdough or cutting sugar out of my coffee. I’ve been told by age 38, those are probably good things to do given the slower metabolism and such. But here I stand, with my sourdough.

And this, friends, is the same girl who walked into a store thinking she could walk out with a decent swimsuit fifteen minutes later.

At first the displays looked promising. In many stores, advertisers are embracing the body positive movement, and both the models in pictures and the mannequins wearing the swimsuits are real people, you know, with actual body fat. I’m here for this, and so glad my children will see a lot more soft curves on women in magazines than I remember seeing. But I will say, no matter how body positive the marketing is, the suits never quite look on me as they look in pictures.

I don’t do dressing room mirrors and fluorescent lighting because I protect my peace, so I bought seven items to take home: three different tops and three different bottoms of mix and match two-piece suits, and a one-piece. Surely, surely, I would find something in this bag that worked. 

Friends, nothing in the bag worked.

I went to Instagram next. I had seen super cute advertisements for high-waisted two-piece suits which I looked at on the smiling ladies wearing them and thought, perfect. Cover and flatten the tummy, look fashionable while you do. I will say again here that the suits never quite look on me as they look in pictures. That tummy I was trying to cover, pulling on the high-waisted suit was basically like taking a big red marker and drawing a bullseye on it. I swear it somehow accentuated everything I intended to flatten. And a high-waisted suit from behind? Friends, it just looks confusing.

I am convinced now that the high-waisted swimsuit market is one gigantic optical illusion, and I believe this because when I told my Instagram friends about my purchase and the hard no I gave myself with one look in the mirror, I received more than 50 DMs telling me some rendition of “Me, too!” or “It looked like an adult diaper on me!” or “Returned mine right away!” and I’m like, Why didn’t I consult the people first?!

If you’re counting, that’s nine swimsuit options and every single one either tightened in the wrong area or didn’t tighten nearly enough. Or, it looked like a diaper. In the swimsuits’ defense, though, I’m in a tough stage of life (remember, 38-year-old mom of six) to make me feel content half-naked. All nine went back to their respective homes. 

One evening, as I was texting Ashlee about all of my swimsuit woes, in an act of selfless love and friendship, she spent 30 minutes live texting and Google searching with me, providing real time feedback on my ideas and reminding me which direction my boobs trend now and how that may not translate well to certain cuts, despite my optimistic “what about this one?!” screen shots. She also kindly suggested I may need to spend more than $19.99 because like a lot of things in life, when it comes to swimsuits, you get what you pay for. 

She directed me here, and while I did purchase three different suits to try on and loved them all (turns out some places do design with the mama who has nursed a few babies in mind), I landed on this one and am so, so happy with it. I would have kept the other two but you know, I was already well above my historic swimsuit budget of $25, and I have to go to Costco later for snacks. 

So friends, after twelve purchases and nearly $400 in returns, I’m saying it: I’m comfortable in my skin this summer. And it’s about dang time. Too many summers are already behind me that I haven’t been. I realize that has as much to do with my mind as it does with my body, and my mind worked hard to get right. But still, wearing a swimsuit that cuts in certain places better than others, well that certainly doesn’t hurt. 

With all my heart, I wish you traveling mercies on your swimsuit shopping journey, and a good, realistic friend to live text your search with.

Let’s get in the water this summer.

Katie

---

FYI:

Coffee + Crumbs is a reader-supported publication.

If you’d like to support our work and receive exclusive content (like access to our Dear Mothers column, bonus essays, monthly conversations with our community, and bonus podcast episodes) please consider signing up to be a paid subscriber:

---

Sarah’s 7-Minute Blackberry Crisp makes for a simple, quintessentially summer dessert.

---

C+C Faves

We’re currently filling our artist cups with poetry (see: Perfectionism is a Brawler by

Bec Fergie

and Issue 3 by

Part-Time Poets

) and poolside painting (see: this compact watercolor set—like Water Wow but for adults!)

“The internet has moved on, and Millennials can either adapt or, like a Gen Xer still listening to Pearl Jam, not care if their choices make them seem old.” // Are You Sure You’re Not Guilty of the ‘Millennial Pause’?

Books on our (collective) nightstands: Practicing Presence, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, Momfluenced, Happy Place, Create in Me a Heart of Mercy, and our Exhale book club pick, The Measure.

This recipe for Trader Joe’s Jalapeno Limeade Margaritas pairs perfectly with DIY taco bowls. We’re taking a cue from Rachel Nevergall and also adding these recipes to our repertoire.

“I want to create even when conditions are harsh—just a little bit, only as much as I can handle—trusting that somewhere deep down, green is growing, waiting to burst forth.” // Like the Wildflowers by

Sarah Bahiraei

The summer chafe is real. This helps. And for those backless summer dresses? Boob tape.

Let Fun Mom Summer begin with reusable water balloons, glow-in-the-dark capture the flag, and these butterfly & insect tattoos.

“In designing a label, you turn a phrase.
In decorating cookies, you craft a composition.
In making tortillas, you find a metaphor.
In making a life, you tell a story.” // Making Metaphors by

Ruth Gyllenhammer

A round-up of our summer wardrobe favorites: nylon cargo shorts, drawstring wide-leg pants, oversized jumpsuit, lace one-piece swimsuit, and this one-shoulder swimsuit.

Help your kids set reading goals with this printable packet, and earn a free book through Barnes & Noble’s Summer Reading Program.

“As I write this, our dining room table houses a tub of modeling clay that has been shaped into fossils, a stack of completed coloring pages, a few scattered crayons, a small palette tray of water color paint, a paper airplane, and, perched on the corner where I sit to eat breakfast, my journal with a pen tucked inside. Because nurturing their creativity reminds me to nurture my own.” // In Defense of the Kid-Led Household by

Kendra Kruckenberg

We’re giving our beauty cabinet a glow-up with a few clean(er) updates: this mascara, this deodorant, and this dew serum.

A simple pleasure: fresh berries all summer long.

---

ICYMI

Our summer collection is live! If this mix of stories, poetry, and photo essays encourages you, we’d be so grateful if you would consider sharing it. ❤️

---

Podcast Recs

Our latest episode is an honest conversation about adoption—grief, misconceptions, and joys. Paid subscribers can also find a bonus episode on Substack: Hardest No / Best Yes

This 8-minute episode by Kelly Corrigan is a lovely way to start the day.

---

Upcoming Workshops:

• Slow Writing & Accountability Workshop with Sonya Spillmann // starts June 5

• Writing Motherhood Workshop with Adrienne Garrison // June 11

• 4/4/2 Workshop with Katie Blackburn // starts July 10

• Writing Motherhood: The Braided Essay with Adrienne Garrison // July 16

---

Know someone who would love this newsletter? Feel free to share it with a friend!